“So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'”
Other Tim Vine Quotes
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
Tim Vine 
58% of people like this quote
Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.
Tim Vine
56% of people like this quote
Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.
Tim Vine
51% of people like this quote
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Tim Vine
50% of people like this quote
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
Tim Vine
49% of people like this quote