“I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.”
Other Mitch Hedberg Quotes
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Mitch Hedberg 
92% of people like this quote
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
86% of people like this quote
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
Mitch Hedberg
86% of people like this quote
I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
Mitch Hedberg
73% of people like this quote