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All Steven Wright Quotes
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
44% of people like this quote
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
44% of people like this quote
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."
Steven Wright
42% of people like this quote
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Steven Wright
42% of people like this quote
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
40% of people like this quote
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
Steven Wright
30% of people like this quote
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