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All Steven Wright Quotes
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
54% of people like this quote
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Steven Wright
54% of people like this quote
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
54% of people like this quote
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
54% of people like this quote
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
53% of people like this quote
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
53% of people like this quote
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
53% of people like this quote
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
53% of people like this quote
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
52% of people like this quote
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
52% of people like this quote
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