All Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
56% of people like this quote
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield
56% of people like this quote
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
56% of people like this quote
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
56% of people like this quote
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
Rodney Dangerfield
56% of people like this quote
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
56% of people like this quote
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield
56% of people like this quote
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield
56% of people like this quote
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
Rodney Dangerfield
55% of people like this quote
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
55% of people like this quote
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
55% of people like this quote
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
54% of people like this quote
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield
54% of people like this quote
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Rodney Dangerfield
54% of people like this quote
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Rodney Dangerfield
53% of people like this quote
Related authors