All Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield in
Funny
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
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