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All Rita Rudner Quotes
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
55% of people like this quote
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
Rita Rudner
55% of people like this quote
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
54% of people like this quote
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
54% of people like this quote
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
53% of people like this quote
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
53% of people like this quote
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."
Rita Rudner
53% of people like this quote
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Rita Rudner
53% of people like this quote
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
53% of people like this quote
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Rita Rudner
52% of people like this quote
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner
51% of people like this quote
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
Rita Rudner
51% of people like this quote
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
Rita Rudner
50% of people like this quote
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
Rita Rudner
50% of people like this quote
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner in
Marriage
50% of people like this quote
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