Author details
All Rita Rudner Quotes
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner in
Funny
89% of people like this quote
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
79% of people like this quote
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner in
Love
78% of people like this quote
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Rita Rudner
73% of people like this quote
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
69% of people like this quote
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Rita Rudner
67% of people like this quote
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
65% of people like this quote
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
64% of people like this quote
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Rita Rudner
64% of people like this quote
My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
Rita Rudner
61% of people like this quote
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Rita Rudner
60% of people like this quote
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Rita Rudner
59% of people like this quote
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner
58% of people like this quote
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
Rita Rudner
57% of people like this quote
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
55% of people like this quote
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