All Jay Leno Quotes
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
Jay Leno
53% of people like this quote
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!
Jay Leno
52% of people like this quote
More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.
Jay Leno
52% of people like this quote
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
Jay Leno
52% of people like this quote
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
Jay Leno
51% of people like this quote
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Jay Leno
51% of people like this quote
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.
Jay Leno
51% of people like this quote
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
Jay Leno
51% of people like this quote
The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
Jay Leno
50% of people like this quote
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
Jay Leno
50% of people like this quote
Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
Jay Leno
50% of people like this quote
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
Jay Leno
50% of people like this quote
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.
Jay Leno in
Science
48% of people like this quote
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.
Jay Leno
33% of people like this quote
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno in
Funny
22% of people like this quote
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